Working with residents in the Parkway Village senior living community has led me to reflect on how our world narrows as we age. Here is how one resident described the progression:
- When we were younger and healthier the whole world was out there! Our favorite parts of the world attracted us. For me and my husband it was Europe.
- Then we confined our travels to our country, the United States.
- After a while, we limited travel to our region, the south.
- Later we traveled only in our state, Arkansas.
- Driving became difficult, so we limited travels to central Arkansas.
- Then we limited travels to around the city of Little Rock.
- Eyesight and health concerns limited our travels to our neighborhood in west Little Rock.
- When we moved to Parkway Village, we limited travel to around the community.
- My spouse died, and health issues limited me to staying at my home.
- Then my bedroom became the world I could view.
How we view the size of the world impacts our view of life’s purpose and meaning. The size of our personal world influences how we relate to God and other people, and even how we feel about the day at hand. As a family member or another caregiver, insight into personal world size can help us be fully present and engage more effectively with those within our care.
One friend who lives in a supportive care facility shared how she had had a long and busy life. When she retired at 65, she took on several volunteer jobs working with the symphony, the public library, and a local museum. She was selected to serve on the state’s Public Service Commission. She went on 24 trips outside the United States – eight of them to Europe. She shopped for herself, cooked for herself, managed her own apartment, and went for walks twice a day. Twenty-four years later, she no longer has the energy to volunteer. She can’t walk very far, and she relies on elevators because of her walker. She can no longer manage purchasing and preparing food. She reads newspaper and magazine articles instead of books. Her world is shrinking.
I could tell from talking to my friend that it was hard to feel that life had meaning when you could no longer do things for yourself and others. She said several times that she felt like there was no point in her being alive at that point.
Adjusting her life perspective began as I helped her see . . .
- Other people find meaning in life by serving you, so your needs enhance their lives.
- Younger people, children, grandchildren, and others who serve you will learn by watching you. If you accept your shrinking world with grace, you may make it easier for them to do so when the same time comes.
- There is a time in life for doing and giving, and then another time for receiving. Without someone to receive nobody can give.
- Think about what would not have been if you had not existed. The existence of those things gives witness to the value of your existence.
- Meaning doesn’t have to come from what you do. Meaning can come from the way you are. The time for doing is past. The time for being is now.
The secret of being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most of each day. Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you; it can only come from within you. To be happy you must let go of what’s gone, be grateful for what remains, and look forward to what will come next.
As a family member, friend, or healthcare worker, you make a difference in people’s lives daily. As you engage with those whom you serve, be present, be positive, and give your very best.
Colossians 3:16-17 sums this up well. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (ESV).
Randy Brantley is chaplain at Parkway Village, a continuing care retirement community in Little Rock, Arkansas. He serves the independent living, assisted living, memory care, and nursing care residents with spiritual and emotional wellness. You can learn more about Parkway Village by calling 501.202.1600.
